Grief & Loss

The Existential Nature of Grief & Loss

From both my clinical and personal experience, grief is a profoundly existential process. We often think of it as felt response to loss or change and consider it primarily emotional in nature. Yet its impact is often far deeper than just moving through an emotional state. Over time, the experiences that bring us into contact with grief can open doorways within our lives that reshape who we are and how we understand existence itself.

When something important in our lives is lost, we are brought face to face with unavoidable aspects of reality such as impermanence, vulnerability, and uncertainty.

Loss interrupts the narratives we hold about our lives, the stories we tell ourselves about how things are and how they remain stable over time. This may show up in how we relate to those close to us but also in how we understand the external word. When we step back and look at larger patterns in our lives, loss often communicates what once felt certain is now provisional.

In this way, grief is not only about relationships, things, or systems ending or changing. It is an encounter with impermanence itself. That, whatever we love or become attached to exists within a web of causes and conditions that are continually shifting.

For many, this recognition can feel destabilizing. It may raise questions that reach beyond the specific loss, such as:

• What truly matters?
• Who am I without this?
• How do I continue to live knowing that everything eventually ends?

From an existential perspective, grief reveals the depth of our attachments and the patterns and narratives we live by. It shows us how we have loved, where we hold commitments, and where we have placed hope or trust.

What Grief Feels Like

For many, grief, especially when it follows a clear event or change, can feel confusing. This is often because there are few cultural examples of what the process looks like. In the past, this space was often held by spiritual practices and the communities that surrounded them. For many today, that framework is no longer meaningfully present, and the experience of grief can feel foreign or difficult to navigate without support.

Grief is a complex and highly individual process. It does not follow a defined roadmap. Yet at the same time, there are recognizable patterns that can help us understand and contextualize what we may be experiencing.

Grief often includes elements such as:

• A felt sense of sadness, sometimes experienced as sorrow and often deeply physical in nature
• Anger, which may be directed at life, the situation, or even a person who has been lost
• A sense of relief that may quickly shift toward confusion, denial, or shame
• A feeling that reality has been divided into a before and after a loss or change, with those two realities feeling fundamentally disconnected

Grief also commonly shows up in the body. Somatic expressions vary, but many people experience:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Feeling tired
• Difficulty sleeping
• Changes in appetite
• Increased use of substances or compulsive patterns
• Feeling anxious or carrying a persistent inner tension, often felt near or around the heart.

Grief Is Not Only About Death

While many first encounter grief after the death of someone close, there are many other situations that bring us into contact with grief.

One of the most common is the loss of a relationship through divorce or separation. Major life transitions such as job changes, career shifts, or retirement can also evoke grief. Grief is often a natural part of change. It extends beyond death into shifts in identity, life direction, and how we understand ourselves and reality in a larger sense.

Often people come to therapy with a vague sense that something feels unsettled, rooted in change or loss of some kind. Through the work, we may discover that recognizing and processing grief is a central part of moving forward.

Grief as a Process

Many people wonder why their grief feels as though it is not progressing or like it feels stuck. One may be confused or distressed by how long it is lasting. It is common to think something like “I should be past this,” or “Why is this returning after so much time?”

There is no universal timeline for grief. While there are clinical frameworks and common patterns, grief is ultimately a deeply personal process. For many, it includes an element of mystery or not knowing that can evoke its own form of anxiety.

In my experience, support and careful attention to what is present within your whole being often becomes the gateway toward healing when experiencing grief.

Grief as a Doorway

When we step back and look at loss more broadly, it is not only about the removal of something from our life. It is about how that removal reshapes how we understand ourselves.

• If you were a spouse and now you are widowed, who are you becoming?
• If you were a caregiver and that role has ended, what remains?
• If you once believed life would unfold in a predictable way and it no longer does, how do you now live?

These questions point the existential nature of grief and are central to existential-humanistic therapy. At its core, grief can be a process of reconstructing one’s identity in relationship to life itself.

This process can feel disorienting, like entering unfamiliar terrain. Yet within that unfamiliarity there is also the possibility of discovery and a deeper encounter with your own existence.

What Exploring Grief Looks Like in Therapy

Our work together may include telling and retelling the story of the loss. We may explore emotions and the ways the loss left something feeling unfinished. Anger, guilt, or confusion are given space and explored with honesty and care.

For some, this process begins without clarity and unfolds gradually. For others, it may include developing coping strategies that support your own unique path.

Grief Counseling in Eugene & Springfield, Oregon

I provide grief therapy and bereavement counseling for adults in Eugene and Springfield, Oregon. Whether you are coping with the death of a loved one, grieving a relationship, or struggling with a less visible form of loss, therapy can offer a space to understand and connect with what is unfolding within you.