Compulsive Behaviors

An Existential View of Compulsion

From an existential-humanistic perspective, compulsive behaviors are always understood within the broader context of a person’s lived experience.

Compulsion often emerges when a person’s capacity to remain present within their own life fades. This may occur through emotional overload, prolonged uncertainty, or the accumulation of unresolved tension. Repetitive behaviors can become ways of regulating oneself—quieting intrusive thoughts, escaping difficult inner states, or temporarily restoring a sense of control.

What distinguishes a habit from a compulsion is a combination of frequency and a felt loss of choice. People often describe compulsions as automatic behaviors that continue even when they no longer align with their values or intentions.

What is true of compulsive behaviors is also true of many long-term patterns of substance use: they tend to emerge when life becomes difficult to inhabit without some form of soothing, numbing, or stimulation.

Process and Behavioral Addictions

Some people identify with the terms process addiction or behavioral addiction to describe how they experience a particular behavioral pattern. Naming something in this way often reflects a recognition that the behavior is not simply a personal failure, but an attempt to regulate stress, anxiety, relational conflict, loneliness, uncertainty, or emotional pain.

Unlike substance use, process addictions revolve around activities rather than chemicals. Yet the internal experience can feel similar, with people often describing a loss of control, escalating frequency, secrecy, and continuation despite negative consequences.

Whether we call it a compulsion, a process addiction, or a behavioral pattern, a deeper existential question remains: what is this behavior doing for you, and what is it costing you?

A Modern Life

Beneath many struggles with compulsion lies a deeper question: Is this problem purely personal—or is it also a reflection of the society I live in?

Many behaviors now labeled as compulsive are widespread and culturally reinforced. Phones, platforms, games, and digital tools are intentionally designed to capture attention, reduce friction, and amplify reward. From an existential point of view, it becomes important to notice how these systems can erode individual agency, replacing lived presence with a more fragmented and inauthentic experience of self.

A pattern of behavior may be worth exploring when:

• You repeatedly do something despite intending not to
• Time feels lost or distorted
• The behavior interferes with sleep, relationships, or focus
• You feel ashamed or secretive about it
• It no longer feels aligned with who you want to be

Technology and Attention

The relationship between technology and compulsion is often complex. For many, video games, social media, or the internet in general can be managed and enjoyed in a positive way; yet for others, it can be very easy to slip into problematic patterns of use.

For many, the struggle with compulsion and technology is not a lack of motivation or internal discipline, but prolonged exposure to environments that continuously pull attention outward. Over time, this fragmentation of attention reduces tolerance for stillness, difficulty, or simply inhabiting the present moment without stimulation.

Common experiences include:

• Difficulty stopping once engaged
• Restlessness or irritability when offline
• Using screens to avoid thinking or feeling
• Mental fatigue or saturation
• Trouble sleeping or concentrating
• Feeling alone or isolated

These patterns related to technology use are often associated with anxiety, depression, and many other patterns that bring people to therapy.

AI as an Emerging Concern

A newer concern many people are beginning to notice is the overuse or overreliance on artificial intelligence. For some, AI becomes a source of constant reassurance, problem-solving, or even companionship, further distancing them from direct contact with their own experience.

I believe AI can be genuinely helpful when used intentionally as a tool. At the same time, overreliance may contribute to increased self-doubt, anxiety, overthinking, or the outsourcing of meaning-making itself.

This is a rapidly emerging issue and one I am paying close attention to clinically. I welcome thoughtful and honest exploration of how AI is shaping attention, agency, and inner life.

Pornography

Concerns around pornography are very common. While not limited to men, available data suggests it is far more prevalent within that population, and I often encounter it as an issue in men’s mental health.

From an existential perspective, pornography engages some of the most fundamental instincts and questions we face—desire, intimacy, creation, and connection. Any technology that directly stimulates these domains will have a profound psychological impact.

There are no simple or universal answers regarding how pornography should—or should not—fit into a person’s life. For some, long-term change may involve abstinence. For others, it may involve developing a more conscious and integrated relationship with it, individually or within a partnership.

Risk and Reward

Some compulsive behaviors center on risk and reward, often involving money. These exist on a wide spectrum, from trading stocks to activities like gambling.

For some, risk offers stimulation and an intensity that can feel uniquely alive. For others, the pull of a potential payout can become so consuming that other aspects of life begin to disappear. These patterns often overlap with experiences of depression or emotional depletion in the long term and can often be a source of major relational conflicts.

As with other compulsions, gambling frequently becomes less about outcome and more about altering internal state. Therapy explores how risk functions emotionally and how it relates to agency, responsibility, and meaning.

Compulsion and Relationships

Compulsive behaviors rarely exist in isolation. They often have relational roots or consequences that introduce secrecy, strain, or cycles of conflict within relationships.

Partners may feel confused, hurt, or disconnected. Individuals experiencing the compulsion may feel misunderstood or defensive. Over time, these cycles of conflict can reinforce the behavior itself.

When relevant, therapy may include examining how compulsive patterns interact with intimacy, communication, and relationship conflict. In some cases, couples therapy can support repair and mutual understanding.

Not Forcing Change

From an existential perspective, lasting change does not come from forced suppression or abrupt, unsustainable control. It emerges through understanding, embodied awareness, responsibility, and the re-experiencing of choice.

In therapy, we explore questions such as:

• What does this behavior help you manage or avoid?
• What need is it responding to?
• What is the cost of continuing as things are?
• Who are you becoming through this pattern?
• Who do you want to become instead?

As clarity deepens, compulsive behaviors often soften on their own. Change tends to arise over time and with far less force than people initially expect.

My Scope of Practice

As with my work around substance use, my scope of practice with compulsive behaviors is intentionally defined. This reflects clinical limits, not a judgment of suffering.

This work is well-suited for people who:

• Experience mild to moderate compulsive behaviors
• Feel caught in repetitive patterns despite insight
• Struggle with technology, pornography, gaming, or social media use
• Notice loss of choice rather than crisis-level consequences
• Want reflective, depth-oriented therapy

This work is not appropriate for:

• Severe gambling addiction requiring specialized treatment
• Acute risk behaviors needing intensive intervention
• Situations requiring medical or inpatient care

Presence, Choice, and Meaning

Compulsive behaviors often signal a deeper struggle with presence, choice, and meaning. They arise where life feels overwhelming, empty, or difficult to inhabit directly.

Therapy offers a place to slow down and turn toward these experiences with honesty and care. Over time, this work supports a more grounded relationship to desire, attention, and responsibility.

If you are noticing patterns that no longer feel aligned with who you want to be, you are welcome to contact me to explore whether working together may be helpful.